My Story

     When I was a child I had a pretty normal life. I had parents who loved me and 2 older half sisters and an older brother. I felt pretty good about life. My Mom and Dad separated and divorced when I was 4 and my Mom and M, her second husband, met on my 5th birthday and began dating shortly after that. M was a great Step-Father. Life was good. I still saw my Biological Father but things were rough with our relationship. M had always been there for me when I felt I couldn't count on my Biological Father.  One Friday when I was 14 my Mom and M sat my brother and I down and told us they were getting divorced. I felt as if my whole world was falling apart. I had never seen my brother cry before that day and it was heartbreaking. M told refused to move out of the house and my Mother refused as well so for about a year and half life was pretty unbearable. We use to be happy and joke around and laugh all the time and suddenly there was nothing but yelling and fighting and crying. We never knew what we were going to come home to. Sometimes it would be quite and no one would be around other times there would be yelling and you could hear things being thrown. Those were the days I dreaded most. I knew it would be a long night for me. Slowly I became a different person. I started to cry all the time. I ate to ease the pain because eating was the only thing I had control of in my life. My grades started slipping and I became very Depressed. A few months after my Mom and M said they were getting divorced I began cutting. I wanted to feel something besides emotional pain. Looking back now I can see that part of my pain came from M basically deciding we were no longer his children. He use to call us His Kids and he was Our Dad. The day they said they were getting a divorce that all changed. Suddenly we were Her Kids and we were Nothing but useless people. He went from a doting Dad to a hateful man. I found out later that he was abusing Prescription Pain Killers. I hated him. He threw away his family for Oxy. My Mom got me a counselor and it helped a lot. She taught me coping skills and how to handle my emotions. One day I confided in her about my cutting and she told M. He told my Mom and said it was just for attention. We never talked about it again. M said he didn't want to find out I cut ever again. They thought I stopped when in reality I just got better at hiding it. We finally moved out just after my 16th birthday and it was the best present I could have gotten. I still struggled though and just a few months after moving into our new house I sat in the living room with several bottles of Prescription Pain Killers and decided to kill myself.  As I was getting ready to take the first handful my Best Friend K called me and since I didn't answer left a message on the machine. She said "Hey girl its K, I know your having a hard time right now and I just wanted to tell you I love you. Call Me!". I put the pills back in the bottle and began to sob. I realized that I wasn't meant to die that day. I still struggle to this day with depression but with the help of my husband J, I fight. I haven't cut in several years but I still think about it almost daily. I use different ways to cope but I still have both good and bad days. It is my hope that by sharing my story and sharing information on all the different Mental Illnesses there are out there that it may help someone else either get the help they need or get a loved one help. If you are reading this and having a hard time. You Are NOT Alone. There IS Help. If you or someone you know is suicidal Please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8533).

Why I Decided To Start This Blog.

     When I was 14 I became Clinically Depressed and to this day I still struggle on a daily basis. Over the last 12 years I have seen a very sad reality and that is that too many people suffer alone because either they do not know who to turn to or because of the stigma that comes with Mental Illness. Not enough people understand how Mental Illness works and sadly too many believe it is easy to "get over". It is my hope that by writing this blog and not only sharing my experiences but also sharing information about all Mental Illness that more awareness will be brought to those who truly do not understand. I look forward to this journey and I thank you for taking it with me.