Seeing My Mother For The First Time Since Being Home.

     To say my mother and I have a unique relationship is an understatement. My mother and I have been very close most of my life. We act more like sister and best friends than mother and daughter. When I tired killing myself things changed for a little bit and while they are getting better they are going to take time. The day after the attempted suicide my mom and sister came to see me. When my husband and sister left the room my mother told me that if I had wanted to come and stay with her instead of going home with my husband that I could. See, My family didn't know yet what had caused me to try killing myself and since my husband and I had been having issues before this they all assumed it had to do with that. I told her I would let her know and left it at that. I was released from the first hospital and transferred to a new hospital on that Saturday and then left shortly after that to go home. I called my mom to let her know I was on my way home and she was really excited. I sent a text to my sisters and brother and to my "best friend", (that's a whole other story I will tell you about later.) letting them all know that I was home. I got a text back from my "best friend" saying he  got a text from my mom telling to stay away from me. I was very upset because in that moment I felt she was trying to control things. There is a huge back story that is too long to explain at this moment and will be in a different blog post. I told her I was upset and we wound up in a screaming match over the phone. Over the next several days we fought and I ended up blocking her on Facebook and my phone because the fighting between us got so bad. A week after I was released from the hospital I got a tattoo to help remind me that I am still here for a reason. I sent her a picture of it and she was furious at me. I called her a few days later to try and clear things up and here we are. Its Saturday the 30th and today was the first time I have seen my mom since the 15th. We had a great talk and I was able to explain why I felt the way I did. When I got there she asked to see my tattoo and said she liked it and then she showed me her left wrist. I started crying almost instantly. She got a tattoo of a Simicolon with a heart below it to show her support of me. My mom and I have had our ups and downs and it will take some time to get back to where we use to be. Today reminded me that sometimes things get messed up and look really bad but, they never stay that way. I have a wonderful support system and I couldn't be more blessed. I just need to remember that it will get better. It will just take time. There is quote I saw that I love. It says, "Pain is real, but so is Hope".